1
00:00:08,967 --> 00:00:09,968
(SCREAMING)
2
00:00:10,468 --> 00:00:12,178
Is that a fucking mosquito?
3
00:00:14,764 --> 00:00:15,849
Run!
4
00:00:22,230 --> 00:00:23,523
(SCREECHING)
5
00:00:25,525 --> 00:00:27,819
(GROANS) Fucking slimed me!
6
00:00:27,819 --> 00:00:29,446
I'm not a goddamn runner!
7
00:00:29,446 --> 00:00:32,073
I have flat feet and a super long torso!
8
00:00:34,951 --> 00:00:35,952
Shit!
9
00:00:44,627 --> 00:00:46,629
My skin is burning!
10
00:00:50,842 --> 00:00:51,843
(SCREECHING)
11
00:00:55,430 --> 00:00:56,723
CHERIE: What the hell?
12
00:00:56,723 --> 00:00:59,225
You got 'squito saliva on you.
13
00:00:59,309 --> 00:01:01,186
Scrub it, or you'll itch for a week.
14
00:01:02,187 --> 00:01:04,189
Come with me if you want a larva.
15
00:01:05,190 --> 00:01:08,693
You know, 'cause baby mosquitoes
are larva, in the movie...
16
00:01:08,777 --> 00:01:10,945
Whatever.
Just let's go, so you don't die.
17
00:01:11,821 --> 00:01:16,076
KORVO: Planet Shlorp was a perfect
utopia until the asteroid hit.
18
00:01:16,951 --> 00:01:18,661
One hundred adults and their replicants
19
00:01:18,745 --> 00:01:21,664
were issued a Pupa
and escaped into the space,
20
00:01:21,748 --> 00:01:24,167
searching for new homes
on uninhabited worlds.
21
00:01:24,167 --> 00:01:27,295
We crashed on Earth, stranding us
on an already overpopulated planet.
22
00:01:27,295 --> 00:01:29,339
That's right.
I've been talking this whole time.
23
00:01:29,339 --> 00:01:31,299
I'm the one holding the Pupa.
My name's Korvo.
24
00:01:31,299 --> 00:01:33,093
This is my show.
I just dropped the Pupa.
25
00:01:33,093 --> 00:01:34,928
Do you see me?
This is ridiculous.
26
00:01:34,928 --> 00:01:38,056
I hate Earth. It's a horrible home.
People are stupid and confusing.
27
00:01:38,056 --> 00:01:40,100
Why do you let Tom Cruise
do all his own stunts?
28
00:01:40,100 --> 00:01:41,601
He's gonna get himself killed.
29
00:01:41,601 --> 00:01:44,729
Mr. Cruise, if you're within
the sound of my voice, scale it back.
30
00:01:44,813 --> 00:01:46,689
You're the greatest entertainer ever.
31
00:01:46,773 --> 00:01:48,650
I'm sure your beliefs
are reasonable, too.
32
00:01:48,650 --> 00:01:49,818
I haven't looked into it.
33
00:01:55,782 --> 00:01:57,033
(PANTING)
34
00:01:57,992 --> 00:01:59,494
(PEOPLE GRUNTING)
35
00:02:01,621 --> 00:02:03,414
(EXCLAIMS AND GASPS)
36
00:02:06,584 --> 00:02:07,752
(GRUNTS)
37
00:02:19,013 --> 00:02:22,308
The winner of the house smoothie
challenge is... Terry!
38
00:02:22,392 --> 00:02:24,394
- Yes, biatches! I only use vodka!
- What?
39
00:02:24,519 --> 00:02:26,896
In what world
does my hot meatloaf smoothie not win?
40
00:02:26,980 --> 00:02:29,149
Taste it again!
That's real ass butter, son!
41
00:02:29,649 --> 00:02:30,650
(ALL SCREAMING)
42
00:02:30,650 --> 00:02:33,153
- Eat meatloaf, monster!
- Please, stop!
43
00:02:33,695 --> 00:02:36,823
Jesse! What the hell happened
to our Emily in Paris bodysuit?
44
00:02:36,823 --> 00:02:40,285
Guys, I was undercover in the human suit
when I overheard huge news!
45
00:02:40,285 --> 00:02:42,412
There's a Ray Donovan cast reunion?
46
00:02:42,412 --> 00:02:44,164
- No.
- Then what the fuck, Jesse?
47
00:02:44,164 --> 00:02:47,250
There I was, doing hard,
investigative journalism,
48
00:02:47,250 --> 00:02:49,794
on why humans like hummus,
and then suddenly...
49
00:02:49,878 --> 00:02:51,588
KORVO: Snore, skip to the end.
50
00:02:51,588 --> 00:02:55,258
JESSE: I heard that our town
might be listed by Parade magazine
51
00:02:55,258 --> 00:02:57,510
as one of the ten nicest places to live!
52
00:02:57,594 --> 00:02:59,137
And the judges are coming this week!
53
00:02:59,137 --> 00:03:01,598
KORVO: Don't care!
This is a horrible use of a flashback!
54
00:03:01,598 --> 00:03:05,226
And our family was not invited
to the giant town photo!
55
00:03:05,310 --> 00:03:06,436
What the hell?
56
00:03:06,436 --> 00:03:08,813
We weren't invited to something?
Now, I fucking care!
57
00:03:08,897 --> 00:03:10,440
Hold up. Everyone, hold your butts.
58
00:03:10,440 --> 00:03:13,359
You're sure they're talking about
the Solars, or was it the Kohlers,
59
00:03:13,443 --> 00:03:15,069
those kitchen sink CEOs down the block?
60
00:03:15,153 --> 00:03:18,114
Because last time I checked,
this town straight up loves us.
61
00:03:18,198 --> 00:03:20,033
We settled this with Nanobot Man.
62
00:03:20,033 --> 00:03:21,826
Remember?
The "people liking us" stuff?
63
00:03:21,910 --> 00:03:24,078
And I'm basically
the moral center of this town!
64
00:03:24,162 --> 00:03:26,247
That's why I gave the mayor
my Yum-Signal,
65
00:03:26,331 --> 00:03:28,750
in case they ever need
my vigilante services.
66
00:03:31,878 --> 00:03:34,839
You're the moral center of dick.
And Jesse, your sources suck.
67
00:03:34,964 --> 00:03:36,841
Why are we paying
for that journalism MBA
68
00:03:36,925 --> 00:03:38,134
from Grand Canyon University?
69
00:03:38,218 --> 00:03:39,928
It's true! People are afraid of us
70
00:03:39,928 --> 00:03:42,680
'cause we're always zapping them
into random things!
71
00:03:42,764 --> 00:03:45,391
Zapping? Please. I don't zap.
Name one time.
72
00:03:45,475 --> 00:03:48,478
When you turned people who love
dinner parties into bottles of wine.
73
00:03:48,478 --> 00:03:50,021
Look at how tight my calves were.
74
00:03:50,021 --> 00:03:53,191
And remember Terry turning
Red Goobler's fiance into a rat?
75
00:03:53,191 --> 00:03:54,692
Who is framing these?
76
00:03:54,776 --> 00:03:56,611
That was a couple of losers
who deserved it.
77
00:03:56,611 --> 00:03:59,197
The idea that the entire town
is scared of us is batshit.
78
00:03:59,197 --> 00:04:00,615
Watch. I'll prove it to you.
79
00:04:00,615 --> 00:04:03,910
See? The mailman is delivering our mail
like he does for everybody.
80
00:04:04,035 --> 00:04:06,996
From a safe distance with
an LA Sparks-branded T shirt cannon.
81
00:04:07,080 --> 00:04:08,248
What up, Franklin?
82
00:04:08,248 --> 00:04:11,292
Please don't turn me into horsey sauce
like you did to Doug,
83
00:04:11,376 --> 00:04:12,627
who used to have this route!
84
00:04:12,627 --> 00:04:14,754
Maybe Doug shouldn't have
crinkled the magazines!
85
00:04:14,754 --> 00:04:16,130
- I'm sensing a pattern.
- (GASPS)
86
00:04:16,214 --> 00:04:18,132
Those guys wearing Judas Priest shirts
87
00:04:18,216 --> 00:04:20,301
crossed the street
only after they saw us.
88
00:04:20,385 --> 00:04:22,553
And this is why planes never fly
over our house?
89
00:04:22,637 --> 00:04:24,305
Harrison Ford has crashed
into every yard
90
00:04:24,389 --> 00:04:26,349
- on this street except ours!
- (TIRES SCREECHING)
91
00:04:26,891 --> 00:04:30,270
Did you guys ever notice how the Pupa
only has away game play dates?
92
00:04:30,478 --> 00:04:31,646
Wait a fucking minute!
93
00:04:31,646 --> 00:04:35,525
Is that DoorDash guy delivering food
straight to Kevin's door?
94
00:04:35,525 --> 00:04:36,985
I thought the "Dash" was on us!
95
00:04:36,985 --> 00:04:39,570
I always pick it up
from the DoorDash HQ in San Francisco.
96
00:04:39,654 --> 00:04:41,864
The ramen turns into a cold brick
when I get home.
97
00:04:41,948 --> 00:04:43,283
Fam, we gotta fix this.
98
00:04:43,283 --> 00:04:44,659
I want that hot dash!
99
00:04:44,659 --> 00:04:47,120
Jesse, you're always annoyingly
preachy about kindness.
100
00:04:47,120 --> 00:04:48,579
Teach us how not to be jerks.
101
00:04:48,663 --> 00:04:50,415
First lesson, say please!
102
00:04:50,415 --> 00:04:51,874
No! I'm the goddamn boss!
103
00:04:51,958 --> 00:04:54,460
Put a dime in that know-your-place jar,
you snizz.
104
00:04:54,544 --> 00:04:56,379
(SIGHS) This ain't gonna be easy.
105
00:04:57,463 --> 00:04:58,631
Hey, isn't this where we had
106
00:04:58,715 --> 00:05:00,383
our Shlorpian sexual
harassment training?
107
00:05:00,383 --> 00:05:01,884
Who's that hot guy who ran it?
108
00:05:01,968 --> 00:05:04,178
Real strong shoulders,
like cum gutters on the roof,
109
00:05:04,262 --> 00:05:05,847
- you know what I'm saying?
- Listen up!
110
00:05:05,972 --> 00:05:08,766
I only have 23 hours
to teach you some empathy
111
00:05:08,850 --> 00:05:11,561
before Parade magazine judges this town.
112
00:05:13,229 --> 00:05:16,024
This is a paintball gun
that represents our sci-fi race.
113
00:05:16,024 --> 00:05:18,026
Repeat after me, I will not use this.
114
00:05:19,319 --> 00:05:21,237
I need more paintballs, woman!
115
00:05:21,529 --> 00:05:22,613
Please?
116
00:05:22,697 --> 00:05:23,740
(BURPS)
117
00:05:24,615 --> 00:05:27,035
Okay, Korvo. You're at a car shop.
118
00:05:27,035 --> 00:05:29,912
And this mechanic's gonna tell you
what's wrong with your car.
119
00:05:29,996 --> 00:05:32,415
This piece of cardboard shit
thinks he knows more than me?
120
00:05:32,415 --> 00:05:34,584
We're just gonna listen to him.
121
00:05:34,709 --> 00:05:39,005
You see, when the warning light goes on,
that means there is a problem.
122
00:05:39,005 --> 00:05:40,840
I know what a warning light is,
cock-snot.
123
00:05:40,965 --> 00:05:44,344
JESSE: Ah-ah-ah! Patience!
Remember, he's just trying to help!
124
00:05:44,344 --> 00:05:45,887
This here is your spark plug.
125
00:05:45,887 --> 00:05:48,306
You want me to write
those words down for you?
126
00:05:48,556 --> 00:05:49,557
Bitch!
127
00:05:49,766 --> 00:05:50,850
JESSE: Hear him out!
128
00:05:51,976 --> 00:05:53,561
That'll be $300.
129
00:05:53,686 --> 00:05:54,937
(SCREAMING)
130
00:05:56,439 --> 00:05:58,399
Okay. Terry. You're in an Uber pool.
131
00:05:58,483 --> 00:06:00,651
Wow! How frugal of me.
I'm growing already.
132
00:06:00,735 --> 00:06:03,279
JESSE: All you need to do
is make it across the room.
133
00:06:03,363 --> 00:06:04,864
Okay, I see what's happening.
134
00:06:04,864 --> 00:06:07,450
These Red Sox fans are gonna
yammer on about Beantown,
135
00:06:07,450 --> 00:06:09,994
and you think I'll turn them
into chowder or some shit.
136
00:06:10,078 --> 00:06:12,163
But joke's on you, kid,
because I love Boston.
137
00:06:12,163 --> 00:06:15,208
That's why I got a "We Bought a Zoo"
Matt Damon tattoo inside my lip.
138
00:06:15,208 --> 00:06:17,251
So start her up, Jesse.
Give me your worst!
139
00:06:17,335 --> 00:06:20,254
Did you hear what happened at the end
of Fast and Furious 10,
140
00:06:20,338 --> 00:06:22,006
10 Fast 10 Furious?
141
00:06:22,090 --> 00:06:23,383
Ah! No spoilers! Stop the car.
142
00:06:23,383 --> 00:06:24,884
JESSE: Stay calm, use your words!
143
00:06:24,884 --> 00:06:26,803
I heard Vinny Diesel steals
a space shuttle.
144
00:06:26,803 --> 00:06:28,346
Remove your mouth from your faces!
145
00:06:28,346 --> 00:06:30,014
I couldn't believe they killed Hobbs.
146
00:06:30,098 --> 00:06:32,517
I will burn every last Dunkin' Donuts
in this hemisphere,
147
00:06:32,517 --> 00:06:34,435
you Guinness blooded damn Apple hammers.
148
00:06:36,396 --> 00:06:38,981
(GASPS AND SIGHS)
149
00:06:40,108 --> 00:06:42,110
JESSE: Okay, we're gonna
make this real simple.
150
00:06:42,110 --> 00:06:43,903
Just order from the menu.
151
00:06:43,903 --> 00:06:45,988
I'd like a grilled cheese.
152
00:06:46,572 --> 00:06:48,282
- Please.
- JESSE: That's the ticket!
153
00:06:48,366 --> 00:06:51,077
Would you like mozzarella?
American? Provolone?
154
00:06:52,161 --> 00:06:53,579
Why would you do that?
155
00:06:53,663 --> 00:06:55,915
Come on! Cheddar wasn't
even in their top three!
156
00:06:59,127 --> 00:07:01,170
(WHISTLING)
157
00:07:04,090 --> 00:07:06,259
Jesus. This was the prison level.
158
00:07:06,259 --> 00:07:08,136
You can still see the tally marks.
159
00:07:08,136 --> 00:07:10,680
Oh, God, this guy only made it one day.
160
00:07:10,680 --> 00:07:12,140
That's depressing.
161
00:07:12,140 --> 00:07:15,476
Well, prisons in the time of The Duke?
Yeah. But now, it's home.
162
00:07:15,560 --> 00:07:17,478
Come on, you must be starving.
163
00:07:17,562 --> 00:07:18,813
What the hell are we doing?
164
00:07:18,813 --> 00:07:21,816
Do I need to remind you the last people
we followed ate Joe Sanders?
165
00:07:21,816 --> 00:07:23,192
Dude, that's the janitor.
166
00:07:23,276 --> 00:07:25,027
He was one of the first people
in the Wall.
167
00:07:25,111 --> 00:07:26,112
- So?
- So,
168
00:07:26,112 --> 00:07:28,322
he must know how to stop the mosquitoes.
169
00:07:28,489 --> 00:07:31,701
We did what we came to do.
The power is on. Let's go home.
170
00:07:31,701 --> 00:07:33,744
And put my baby to sleep every night
171
00:07:33,828 --> 00:07:37,748
knowing that at any second
a Dumpster Dracula could suck her dry?
172
00:07:37,832 --> 00:07:40,001
Fuck that! Who knows how many there are?
173
00:07:40,001 --> 00:07:42,044
Well, there's about 10
by your feet right now.
174
00:07:42,128 --> 00:07:43,129
(SCREAMS)
175
00:07:43,713 --> 00:07:44,755
(SQUEALS)
176
00:07:44,922 --> 00:07:46,132
How do we kill them all?
177
00:07:46,257 --> 00:07:48,843
You can't. I'll show you why.
178
00:07:48,843 --> 00:07:50,178
(WHISTLES)
179
00:07:50,178 --> 00:07:52,263
Hell, no. Absolutely not.
180
00:07:55,057 --> 00:07:56,559
No goddamn respect.
181
00:07:56,559 --> 00:07:59,687
No one listens,
fucking bugs spitting on me and shit.
182
00:08:00,813 --> 00:08:02,482
So, how'd we do?
183
00:08:02,482 --> 00:08:04,609
You all failed miserably!
184
00:08:04,609 --> 00:08:05,860
Uh, recount much?
185
00:08:05,860 --> 00:08:08,571
Not one of you thought
about another person's feelings!
186
00:08:08,696 --> 00:08:11,574
The Parade magazine judges
will be here in a few hours!
187
00:08:15,328 --> 00:08:17,038
Whatever.
Who cares if we're not invited?
188
00:08:17,038 --> 00:08:18,539
I say we photobomb these losers.
189
00:08:18,623 --> 00:08:21,459
Hard agree. What if we turn everyone
who was shitting on us
190
00:08:21,459 --> 00:08:22,752
into actual Polaroids?
191
00:08:22,752 --> 00:08:25,004
- I can whip up a ray gun that will...
- Brill, Korvo.
192
00:08:25,004 --> 00:08:26,339
You leave me no choice.
193
00:08:26,339 --> 00:08:29,217
- I invoke Taron Egerten!
- (ALL GASPING)
194
00:08:29,217 --> 00:08:30,718
- (COUGHS)
- You're banishing us?
195
00:08:30,718 --> 00:08:33,846
A Shlorpian can only invoke
Taron Egerten once in a lifetime.
196
00:08:33,930 --> 00:08:36,182
You can't just
willy-nilly invoke Taron Egerten.
197
00:08:36,182 --> 00:08:38,768
We did it the first day we landed,
now we can't invoke shite!
198
00:08:38,768 --> 00:08:40,603
- I invoke!
- (BLOWS WHISTLE)
199
00:08:40,603 --> 00:08:42,813
Don't do this, Jesse. Please!
200
00:08:42,897 --> 00:08:45,608
AISHA: Banished Shlorpians must remain
in the brainwashing room
201
00:08:45,608 --> 00:08:47,068
for a full solar cycle.
202
00:08:47,068 --> 00:08:48,194
A year?
203
00:08:48,194 --> 00:08:50,112
Or until you assholes learn empathy.
204
00:08:50,196 --> 00:08:51,197
A year?
205
00:08:51,197 --> 00:08:54,575
Commencing sympathy re-education
in three...
206
00:08:54,659 --> 00:08:55,952
Two...
207
00:08:56,994 --> 00:08:59,205
(ALL MOANING) Stop! No!
208
00:08:59,914 --> 00:09:01,791
KORVO: Why is a puppy friends
with an otter?
209
00:09:01,791 --> 00:09:03,000
They don't share a habitat.
210
00:09:03,084 --> 00:09:05,503
YUMYULACK: The rainbows!
They burn my eyes!
211
00:09:05,503 --> 00:09:07,964
Now everyone in town
can be who they want,
212
00:09:07,964 --> 00:09:10,383
without sci-fi messing up their life.
213
00:09:10,383 --> 00:09:11,676
Okay, I think it's over.
214
00:09:11,676 --> 00:09:14,053
Oh, no! Babies discovering bubbles!
215
00:09:14,053 --> 00:09:15,137
(ALL SCREAMING)
216
00:09:16,889 --> 00:09:19,183
Oh, God, no, Marlo!
Marlo! Get back here!
217
00:09:19,308 --> 00:09:22,186
Not the aliens' house!
Anywhere but the aliens' house!
218
00:09:22,270 --> 00:09:24,730
Shit, shit, shit!
Oh, God! Oh, God! Oh, God!
219
00:09:25,690 --> 00:09:26,941
Hi there, neighbs!
220
00:09:27,066 --> 00:09:30,486
Oh, God, I'm sorry! The leash slipped.
Please don't tell Korvo. Oh, God!
221
00:09:30,570 --> 00:09:33,155
You don't have to worry
about my family anymore.
222
00:09:33,239 --> 00:09:34,657
They're all hella locked up.
223
00:09:34,657 --> 00:09:36,367
Have a fun day! (HUMMING)
224
00:09:41,872 --> 00:09:43,416
Hey! Remember those dicks
225
00:09:43,416 --> 00:09:45,084
who turned me into a gummy bear?
226
00:09:45,084 --> 00:09:46,794
It was technically a Swedish Fish.
227
00:09:46,794 --> 00:09:48,462
I tried to bone you in the gummy butt.
228
00:09:48,546 --> 00:09:50,631
It was the second craziest 9/11
of my life.
229
00:09:50,715 --> 00:09:54,010
Well, they're all locked up!
We can be jerks again.
230
00:09:54,427 --> 00:09:56,596
- (CHUCKLING MISCHIEVOUSLY)
- (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
231
00:09:58,014 --> 00:10:01,017
- Jerks!
- (HOWLING)
232
00:10:01,309 --> 00:10:02,810
(ROCK CONTINUES MUSIC PLAYING)
233
00:10:03,644 --> 00:10:04,937
(GIRL SCREAMS)
234
00:10:06,480 --> 00:10:10,401
Jerk! Jerk! Jerk! Jerk!
235
00:10:11,694 --> 00:10:13,279
(HOWLS)
236
00:10:18,451 --> 00:10:21,203
Jerk, jerk, jerks!
237
00:10:22,913 --> 00:10:24,874
Now, generally, I'm a dark meat guy,
238
00:10:24,874 --> 00:10:28,252
but when it comes to 'squitoes,
you want that sweet yellow meat.
239
00:10:28,753 --> 00:10:31,464
So you're kind of like Quint from Jaws,
but for bugs.
240
00:10:31,631 --> 00:10:33,132
Hey, that's what I'm going for.
241
00:10:33,132 --> 00:10:34,675
I got bored making diaphragms
242
00:10:34,759 --> 00:10:37,011
out of the lambskin scraps
Yumyulack gives us.
243
00:10:37,011 --> 00:10:40,264
So, now I come down to the lower levels,
catch a bug, go back up,
244
00:10:40,348 --> 00:10:41,641
sell its meat at the market.
245
00:10:41,641 --> 00:10:44,226
All this time, you thought
you were eating turkey jerky.
246
00:10:44,310 --> 00:10:46,479
But no, that is grade-A mosquito.
247
00:10:46,604 --> 00:10:48,189
Mmm, this is good!
248
00:10:48,189 --> 00:10:50,358
Gotta use all parts of the ski buffalo.
249
00:10:50,358 --> 00:10:52,610
Steaks from the thorax.
Netting from the wings.
250
00:10:52,610 --> 00:10:56,072
Check this out. Would you believe
this hat used to be a mosquito's head?
251
00:10:56,072 --> 00:10:58,491
You can't fight nature.
You gotta learn to live with it.
252
00:10:58,491 --> 00:11:01,327
I think the point of all humanity
is that you don't.
253
00:11:01,452 --> 00:11:03,871
Take it from a first gen Wallian,
and I've seen it all.
254
00:11:03,871 --> 00:11:05,831
We went from gum boys to the Tim era.
255
00:11:05,915 --> 00:11:07,833
Now we're blessed with mosquito protein.
256
00:11:07,958 --> 00:11:10,211
These disgusting monsters
are our future.
257
00:11:10,211 --> 00:11:14,965
This is how we rid ourselves
of our reliance on the aliens' candy.
258
00:11:15,299 --> 00:11:18,719
This tastes just like
a freshly microwaved Bob Evans.
259
00:11:18,803 --> 00:11:21,305
We gotta to convince Parliament
to protect these bugs.
260
00:11:21,389 --> 00:11:24,392
It's the only way the Wall
can be in harmony with itself.
261
00:11:26,644 --> 00:11:28,187
(GULPS) Mmm.
262
00:11:28,187 --> 00:11:29,689
God damn it!
263
00:11:29,689 --> 00:11:31,232
Yeah, this is delicious.
264
00:11:37,571 --> 00:11:39,782
(SIGHS) We've had a good run, Maddie.
265
00:11:39,782 --> 00:11:43,035
But this town no longer needs
a Civic Responsibility manager.
266
00:11:43,119 --> 00:11:44,995
I can't believe my life's work
was to create
267
00:11:45,079 --> 00:11:46,914
the world's first
jerk monitoring system.
268
00:11:46,914 --> 00:11:48,416
And now I'll never get to use it.
269
00:11:48,416 --> 00:11:51,419
But now that we're up
for top 10 nicest places to live,
270
00:11:51,419 --> 00:11:53,587
there are no more jerks to be monitored.
271
00:11:53,713 --> 00:11:55,131
Do you want me to unplug it?
272
00:11:55,131 --> 00:11:56,716
Please. I can't bear it.
273
00:11:58,926 --> 00:12:00,219
- (BEEPS)
- Wait!
274
00:12:00,219 --> 00:12:03,180
The jerks! The jerks are
filling up the streets!
275
00:12:03,264 --> 00:12:06,976
No, no! They aren't hiding anymore.
The jerks are on the move.
276
00:12:07,810 --> 00:12:09,311
Get me the mayor!
277
00:12:09,895 --> 00:12:10,896
If we don't act now,
278
00:12:10,980 --> 00:12:13,482
here's how many jerks
will be out in 10 minutes,
279
00:12:13,649 --> 00:12:17,611
twenty minutes, and in an hour's time,
we'll have completely lost our city.
280
00:12:17,737 --> 00:12:20,197
Oh, God! We might be too late.
281
00:12:20,281 --> 00:12:23,909
Kid Rock just announced he's bringing
his "Make America Squirt Again" festival
282
00:12:23,993 --> 00:12:24,994
to our town!
283
00:12:24,994 --> 00:12:26,996
- (ALL GASP)
- Well, I know what I need to do.
284
00:12:26,996 --> 00:12:29,582
I'm gonna sleep with my mistress
in my own bed!
285
00:12:29,582 --> 00:12:31,083
Jerk!
286
00:12:31,208 --> 00:12:34,670
Wow. All this time the mayor was a jerk.
That's a political first.
287
00:12:34,754 --> 00:12:36,589
It's up to us now, Maddie.
288
00:12:38,090 --> 00:12:41,093
Nope! It's up to you now.
You're fat! Bye!
289
00:12:41,177 --> 00:12:44,096
The town is full of jerks
and Parade Magazine is coming today!
290
00:12:44,180 --> 00:12:46,766
- We have to do something before they...
- (ENGINE ROARING)
291
00:12:46,891 --> 00:12:48,017
Oh, no!
292
00:12:48,893 --> 00:12:51,395
Oh, God! No!
293
00:12:56,776 --> 00:12:58,402
Hey, Bones Rider.
294
00:12:58,486 --> 00:13:00,070
Man, how long was I asleep?
295
00:13:00,154 --> 00:13:02,114
Those 'squito pupas
really knocked me out.
296
00:13:02,198 --> 00:13:03,407
Whoa! What the hell?
297
00:13:03,491 --> 00:13:06,243
Your partner's lost her cool,
haircut-head. Untie me.
298
00:13:06,660 --> 00:13:08,871
Hey, psycho! What's with the hostage?
299
00:13:08,871 --> 00:13:11,791
The janitor needed to be taken out
of the equation. He'll be fine.
300
00:13:11,791 --> 00:13:13,876
We were his guests. What equation?
301
00:13:13,876 --> 00:13:16,670
"E" equals "kill every mosquito."
302
00:13:16,754 --> 00:13:18,422
What? We can feed the whole Wall.
303
00:13:18,506 --> 00:13:20,925
Anything that could hurt Pezlie
needs to be destroyed.
304
00:13:20,925 --> 00:13:22,927
Jesus, Cherie.
How many more people have to die
305
00:13:22,927 --> 00:13:24,804
because you have to nuke every threat?
306
00:13:24,804 --> 00:13:27,223
Well, maybe you could start helping
with some threats.
307
00:13:27,223 --> 00:13:30,518
- I thought you were a hero.
- I've never wanted to be a hero!
308
00:13:30,518 --> 00:13:32,436
That's it. I'm done. I'm going home.
309
00:13:32,561 --> 00:13:34,897
You can't quit! We're partners!
310
00:13:34,897 --> 00:13:36,607
My wife is my partner.
311
00:13:36,607 --> 00:13:38,108
I never should've left her behind.
312
00:13:38,192 --> 00:13:39,652
Fine! Fuck it!
313
00:13:40,194 --> 00:13:41,487
- Go!
- Don't you get it?
314
00:13:41,612 --> 00:13:44,615
There's always gonna be another battle.
It'll never end!
315
00:13:44,615 --> 00:13:45,908
Then I'll keep fighting!
316
00:13:45,908 --> 00:13:47,910
What's the point of fighting
for your family
317
00:13:47,910 --> 00:13:50,037
if you never get to be with your family?
318
00:13:50,538 --> 00:13:53,290
Go home, Cherie.
Before you make that baby an orphan.
319
00:13:58,671 --> 00:14:00,297
So this is where we are, huh?
320
00:14:00,381 --> 00:14:02,341
You're just like Tim and the Duke.
321
00:14:02,341 --> 00:14:04,176
You don't know shit about Ringo.
322
00:14:04,260 --> 00:14:07,680
We've been given a blessing,
but you're too busy leading to see it.
323
00:14:07,680 --> 00:14:10,808
Liars, always holding on to power
with your stupid lies.
324
00:14:10,933 --> 00:14:12,768
No, I got rid of all the liars.
325
00:14:12,977 --> 00:14:15,479
If you think that, then you don't know
who's lying to you.
326
00:14:15,563 --> 00:14:17,439
- Oh, shut up. (GRUNTS)
- (GROANS)
327
00:14:21,819 --> 00:14:23,195
Hmm... Ugh!
328
00:14:23,279 --> 00:14:26,282
This would be so much easier
if this wasn't so delicious.
329
00:14:31,912 --> 00:14:34,415
Okay, Pupa.
Let's go get in that town photo.
330
00:14:34,415 --> 00:14:37,209
Now that the three biggest town jerks
are locked in our ship,
331
00:14:37,293 --> 00:14:39,670
we can be free to... Ew!
332
00:14:39,670 --> 00:14:40,754
(GASPS)
333
00:14:46,343 --> 00:14:48,345
(CLAMORING)
334
00:14:49,680 --> 00:14:51,599
Listen to this dream I had last night.
335
00:14:51,599 --> 00:14:54,768
It's super long,
and you're totally not in it. (SNICKERS)
336
00:14:58,480 --> 00:14:59,773
What's happening?
337
00:14:59,857 --> 00:15:02,192
There's a lot of people
around in summer scarves.
338
00:15:02,276 --> 00:15:05,195
Those aliens who turned us
into iguanas last year are gone!
339
00:15:05,279 --> 00:15:09,450
We totally deserved it, too.
But now the jerks are back, baby!
340
00:15:09,575 --> 00:15:11,368
(HOWLS)
341
00:15:11,911 --> 00:15:13,871
Oh, no! I was wrong!
342
00:15:13,871 --> 00:15:15,664
Korvo, Terry and Yum
weren't the problem.
343
00:15:15,748 --> 00:15:17,249
They were the solution!
344
00:15:17,791 --> 00:15:20,669
(SCREAMING) I tried arson
but it backfired!
345
00:15:20,794 --> 00:15:22,379
Oh, God, no!
346
00:15:30,095 --> 00:15:31,138
Hey! Emily in Paris!
347
00:15:31,263 --> 00:15:33,849
This is how it'll look in five minutes.
In 10 minutes!
348
00:15:33,933 --> 00:15:35,309
I don't have time for this!
349
00:15:36,769 --> 00:15:37,811
God damn it!
350
00:15:45,110 --> 00:15:46,987
That's the silhouette he chose?
351
00:15:47,279 --> 00:15:48,530
(ALL CRYING)
352
00:15:48,697 --> 00:15:51,033
I get it now.
I fucking love empathy.
353
00:15:51,200 --> 00:15:53,994
Yes, we've seen soldiers
surprising their kids at the airport,
354
00:15:54,078 --> 00:15:57,498
and we double watched Scrooge.
It expanded every heart I have.
355
00:15:57,498 --> 00:15:59,917
AISHA: Hold up! Got a message for Yum!
356
00:15:59,917 --> 00:16:02,628
Oh, my God! The town finally needs
its moral center.
357
00:16:02,628 --> 00:16:04,755
- Aisha, release us. - I don't think you're ready.
358
00:16:04,755 --> 00:16:07,257
Fam, I was wrong!
Jerks have totally taken over.
359
00:16:07,341 --> 00:16:09,718
And only you assholes
can save this town.
360
00:16:09,802 --> 00:16:11,553
Come on, Aish, we need to get out!
361
00:16:11,637 --> 00:16:13,764
Come on, sister girl!
We're running out of time.
362
00:16:13,764 --> 00:16:16,517
AISHA: Jesus! You fucking aliens
get into some stupid shit.
363
00:16:16,517 --> 00:16:18,519
Okay. We can skip to the final test.
364
00:16:18,519 --> 00:16:19,603
I ordered a pizza.
365
00:16:19,687 --> 00:16:22,439
All you gotta do is talk to
the delivery guy and get your pizza.
366
00:16:22,523 --> 00:16:23,691
- Okay?
- Wow! That's it.
367
00:16:23,816 --> 00:16:26,068
- Easy. Not even hungry. - Also, he's two hours late.
368
00:16:26,068 --> 00:16:27,486
What? Where the fuck's my 'za?
369
00:16:27,486 --> 00:16:30,948
Come on! You guys can do this!
As of now, I believe in you.
370
00:16:31,073 --> 00:16:32,074
(DOORBELL RINGING)
371
00:16:33,117 --> 00:16:34,118
(SPITS)
372
00:16:34,493 --> 00:16:36,453
Ah! My Teen Titans collector vases.
373
00:16:36,537 --> 00:16:38,455
(SIGHING IMPATIENTLY)
Let's get this over with.
374
00:16:38,539 --> 00:16:40,207
Hello, pizza representative?
375
00:16:40,207 --> 00:16:43,210
Yeah, I've got a pizza for Korn,
Larry and Hackedy Sack.
376
00:16:43,210 --> 00:16:44,712
Call me by my Christian name!
377
00:16:44,712 --> 00:16:47,131
No, no. Calm your tits, Yumyulack.
This can be done.
378
00:16:47,131 --> 00:16:48,215
Thank you.
379
00:16:48,340 --> 00:16:50,009
AISHA: Cute. Now, tip him.
380
00:16:50,009 --> 00:16:51,260
For not doing his job?
381
00:16:51,260 --> 00:16:53,971
Come on! We gotta get out of here.
The city needs me.
382
00:16:53,971 --> 00:16:56,098
Uh, does it go any lower than 10%?
383
00:16:56,098 --> 00:16:57,850
No? 10 is the bottom? Of course it is.
384
00:16:58,017 --> 00:16:59,351
We did it. Open the doors.
385
00:16:59,435 --> 00:17:00,769
Give him five stars.
386
00:17:00,853 --> 00:17:01,854
- Fine!
- Fuck off!
387
00:17:06,567 --> 00:17:09,570
I can't. A perfect five star-rating
means something, damn it.
388
00:17:09,570 --> 00:17:11,447
Okay, if I've learned anything today,
389
00:17:11,447 --> 00:17:13,949
it's that empathy isn't about
doing the correct thing.
390
00:17:14,033 --> 00:17:17,411
It's about skipping what makes sense
to make someone else feel good.
391
00:17:17,411 --> 00:17:19,121
Come on. What would Scrooge do?
392
00:17:19,121 --> 00:17:21,373
He would think about
what other people want
393
00:17:21,457 --> 00:17:23,834
and give them that,
because he's actually Santa.
394
00:17:23,834 --> 00:17:26,170
Yes. Wait, what?
Did you even watch the movie?
395
00:17:26,170 --> 00:17:29,214
No, I had my eyes closed the whole time.
But I remember the poster.
396
00:17:30,049 --> 00:17:31,508
- Yes!
- Hell, right!
397
00:17:32,051 --> 00:17:34,595
It's empathy time, motherfuckers!
Let's get decent.
398
00:17:34,720 --> 00:17:38,057
(SINGING)
What the world needs now
399
00:17:38,557 --> 00:17:41,351
Is love, sweet love
400
00:17:41,685 --> 00:17:42,770
(HORN HONKING)
401
00:17:42,770 --> 00:17:48,400
It's the only thing
That there's just too little of
402
00:17:48,650 --> 00:17:51,695
What the world needs now
403
00:17:51,862 --> 00:17:54,907
Is love, sweet love
404
00:17:55,574 --> 00:17:57,451
No, not just for some
405
00:17:57,826 --> 00:18:02,331
Oh, but just for
406
00:18:02,331 --> 00:18:05,000
Every, every
407
00:18:05,125 --> 00:18:07,669
Everyone
408
00:18:08,462 --> 00:18:10,547
Oh, my God! I did it!
409
00:18:10,631 --> 00:18:11,924
All the jerks are gone.
410
00:18:11,924 --> 00:18:14,927
Which means, I get to be
the only jerk in town!
411
00:18:15,052 --> 00:18:17,888
(LAUGHS WICKEDLY)
412
00:18:18,597 --> 00:18:19,890
What a fucking reveal!
413
00:18:23,268 --> 00:18:25,646
Whoa! Our town looks gorgeous!
414
00:18:25,646 --> 00:18:28,690
Yeah, we empathized the fuck
out of this place.
415
00:18:35,781 --> 00:18:38,200
In all my time as a Parade judge,
416
00:18:38,200 --> 00:18:41,078
I have never seen nicer townsfolk.
417
00:18:41,203 --> 00:18:45,374
Surely the top 10 will include
the gorgeous city of Geenadavisville.
418
00:18:48,961 --> 00:18:50,087
- Yeah!
- Check it out!
419
00:18:50,087 --> 00:18:52,214
I'm giving this fountain
a golden shower.
420
00:18:52,214 --> 00:18:53,465
JESSE: Oh, no, this is bad.
421
00:18:55,509 --> 00:18:57,136
Sorry. Please continue.
422
00:18:57,261 --> 00:18:58,387
Oh, my God!
423
00:18:58,387 --> 00:19:00,848
Did you just turn that man into coins?
424
00:19:05,144 --> 00:19:07,771
I love our family pics!
Really makes this house a home.
425
00:19:08,063 --> 00:19:09,940
Oh, yes. Every time
I walk by this picture,
426
00:19:09,940 --> 00:19:12,651
I'll remember what a total bag of shit
that guy was.
427
00:19:12,651 --> 00:19:14,278
Fudge balls! After all that,
428
00:19:14,278 --> 00:19:17,781
I can't believe we didn't get listed
in the 10 nicest places to live.
429
00:19:17,865 --> 00:19:19,366
We could've been on the cover!
430
00:19:19,366 --> 00:19:20,993
Nah, son. This cover is way better.
431
00:19:21,118 --> 00:19:23,078
"Town's Moral Center
saves everyone's ass."
432
00:19:23,871 --> 00:19:27,583
Oh! One, no. Two, no.
Three, no, four!
433
00:19:27,583 --> 00:19:30,502
Four recipes for creamy chowders!
Yeah, baby!
434
00:19:32,504 --> 00:19:34,673
- (CHERIE GRUNTS)
- (LARVAE SQUEALING)
435
00:19:35,716 --> 00:19:37,050
Ow! No, no!
436
00:19:37,259 --> 00:19:38,343
No, no, no, no!
437
00:19:39,636 --> 00:19:40,888
(GASPING)
438
00:19:44,224 --> 00:19:46,602
Halk! You came back.
439
00:19:46,602 --> 00:19:47,936
- You know me.
- (SQUEALS)
440
00:19:48,020 --> 00:19:49,146
Always the hero.
441
00:19:49,396 --> 00:19:51,315
(BOTH GRUNTING)
442
00:19:52,107 --> 00:19:53,442
They're way too many.
443
00:19:53,567 --> 00:19:55,527
The lighter! We can use the fluid.
444
00:19:57,613 --> 00:19:58,614
One...
445
00:19:58,614 --> 00:19:59,907
Two...
446
00:20:05,621 --> 00:20:07,497
(SCREECHING)
447
00:20:09,041 --> 00:20:11,960
- Good teamwork, partner.
- (CRACKING)
448
00:20:12,044 --> 00:20:13,086
What was...
449
00:20:13,170 --> 00:20:15,339
- The floor! Run!
- (BOTH SCREAMING)
450
00:20:18,175 --> 00:20:20,177
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)